Tomorrow, Shane and I celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary! It’s been the happiest two years of my life…. JUST KIDDING! I can say that because that’s his go-to joke! In all seriousness, our anniversary has caused me to reflect on our lives and our marriage and the different stages we’ve been in since our wedding, four years ago. For your reading pleasure, here’s the marriage stages of Shane and Ali D.
The married-without-kids stage – We’d drink a bottle of wine and watch a movie on a Wednesday night! I’m pretty sure we slept in til 9 on the weekends and laid on top of piles of our own money. I’m trying to think of one responsibility we had aside from our jobs and keeping our small one-bedroom condo tidy and well, I’m coming up empty.
The expecting-a-baby stage – fearing the unknown but very excited, this stage was filled with 1st trimester foot rubs and hot (HAD TO BE HOT) McDonald’s french fries.
The expecting-surprise-twins stage – What the hell did we get ourselves into?! Obsessively Google-d and worried until the boys were born at 33 weeks.
The parents-of-newborn-twins stage – Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
The parents-of-a-child-with-a-disability stage – Sad at first, but now… bring it on. We can handle anything.
The parents-of-toddler-twins stage – “Stop” “Don’t do that” “How do you ask nicely?” “Use your words!” Pretty much those four phrases on a loop and at the end of the day you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck.
And so it goes… The ebbs and flows of a marriage. I think our most difficult time was when the boys were newborns. The frustration that comes along with a lack of sleep can make even the healthiest couple bicker all day long. Luckily that phase has passed and I feel like a lot more like my old self again. We’re focusing more on our health and we’re able to go out on more dates. Twice this summer we were able to bring the boys to a get-together without needing to constantly be by their side (but within sight of course). It was fantastic and quite enjoyable!
The scary facts are that parents of twins have a higher rate of divorce than parents of non-twins and compound that with the fact that parents of kids with special needs also have a high divorce rate. I take part in a special needs support group and about half of the people in there are divorced. It’s a very scary reality. I’m by no means an expert but I know that prioritizing our relationship and being able to communicate with each other are essential parts of a successful marriage and I think we’re doing a pretty good job. We do look forward to spending time with each other, after all.
At the end of the day, the sound of him walking through the door will still make my heart skip a beat. At the end of the day he, too, is exhausted but ready to tackle whatever the next day brings. At the end of the day he’ll laugh with me when we recall some particularly funny moments. At the end of the day we’ll discuss how we can do things better and be better parents to our boys.
At the end of the day, there’s no one else I’d want by my side.