The Bond Between Brothers

I picked up the boys from daycare yesterday and as usual, I watched them play a little. Caleb was just getting up from a nap so he was a little groggy. Wyatt, on the other hand, was full of energy and playing with another little girl who is a couple months older than the boys. She would toddle over to a corner of the room and Wyatt crawled after her and they played together in their own little world. They’re always together, those two the daycare owner informed me. How cute! It was great to see Wyatt interacting so well with this little girl.

In the hours since, I keep going back to that moment though. Watching Wyatt with the little girl made me realize just how little he and Caleb interact. When the boys were newborns we couldn’t wait to see the day when they would be playing with each other and maybe even concocting their own language.

Itty bitty baby burritos

Monkey See, Monkey Do(o-Doo)

You lookin’ at me?

But now, at one year old, I can honestly say my boys don’t really play with each other. Sure, they frequently play side-by-side but despite our attempts, they seem pretty disinterested in one another.

You can imagine the annoying noises that emanate from this piece of equipment all. day. long.

Wyatt looks like a puppy playing fetch.

I always thought it was part of their personalities, but after seeing Wyatt and the little girl at daycare, I’m wondering if that’s really the case. Maybe because he and Caleb are always together and never get a break from one another? Or maybe Shane and I are constantly stimulating them with toys and games and they’re used to being entertained so they don’t need to make their own fun with each other?

What scares me the most is that deep down inside I worry that Wyatt knows that there’s a difference between he and Caleb. Like he can sense that Caleb isn’t mobile and can’t crawl after him. Maybe that’s why Wyatt is drawn to the little girl at daycare. She’s walking now, so it’s a skill Wyatt’s hoping to acquire soon. Caleb is still learning to sit on his own (and making incredible progress) so he’s not exactly teaching Wyatt any new skills. I always envisioned their development mirroring one another and each motivating the other to learn new things. It’s hard to see them at two totally different stages.

I’m almost certain that I’m over thinking this and that in the months to come we’ll see their interaction grow.  I just really want the boys to have a strong bond. I want so desperately for them to be best friends for years to come. Selfishly, I want Wyatt to be Caleb’s protector and advocate when I’m not there. I want him to stand up for Caleb if he gets bullied or help him get from one place to another if he needs it. When finding out about Caleb’s cerebral palsy, one of the first thoughts I had was, Well, at least he’ll have Wyatt by his side always.

We encourage the boys to high five each other or attempt to hold hands but it’s usually unsuccessful. They’re simply disinterested. Wyatt’s main objective is to remove Caleb’s glasses but since that is discouraged, maybe he thinks all interactions with his brother are discouraged? Who knows. There’s always an ongoing list in my head of things to teach C&W. We point out colors of toys, common objects around the house and outside, body parts in the tub and while getting dressed, new and favorite foods during meals, words and pictures in their most beloved books, etc. It seems like encouraging more interaction might just be another thing to add to the list. I’m hoping that once Caleb gets mobile he and Wyatt will be partners in crime. I love how different my little boys are, but at the same time the bond and friendship between twins is believed to be unparalleled and I hope they get to experience that soon.

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I'm a working mom of three fantastic boys: Caleb, Wyatt and Parker. My husband, Shane, and I live in the Washington DC suburbs where we enjoy playgrounds, pools and never getting to sleep in. This blog is a journal of our day-to-day lives as well as a chronicle of Caleb's progress after a recent spinal surgery to alleviate the effects of his cerebral palsy.

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2 comments on “The Bond Between Brothers
  1. Brenda Dexheimer says:

    Ali, I totally love reading your blog, but here’s where a grandma’s wisdom needs to calm some fears. There’s an article I read once that talks about children in a sandbox and how they interact with one anonther. It starts out how hard it is to just get two kids to get in together, moves to how they finally are in together, but they totally ignore each other and don’t play together, then to squabbles over toys and sand, and finally by the ripe old age of 4-5 they can finally play together and use all those skills we have been teaching them over the years. Children really don’t notice things like skin color, gender, or disabilities until they are older. I’m sure that everything you mentioned in the blog is running through your head, but after 30+ years in daycare and 4 boys of my own…your little boys are pretty much as normal as they come. Keep your chin up. Your doing a great job! Can’t wait to see those little guys in just a few days. Loving you all from Wisconsin, Grandma Jeano

  2. Corrie Anne says:

    I love the progression pics!! Those are some beautiful boys!! They’ll be BFFs for sure!!

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