****Please Note: This was meant to be posted on the eve of C&W’s birthday before Mother Nature unleashed her fury and we were power-less for 24 long hours. ****
My sweet Caleb & Wyatt:
I have started to write this letter to you in my head for weeks now and I’m happy to finally be able to sit down and get all the words out. Tomorrow you boys will turn one year old and the occasion will mark the day you both came into our lives and changed everything we had ever known forever.
You came a little earlier than we anticipated and your first two weeks of life were spent in the hospital. I don’t think I ever cried as much as I did when you were in the NICU but at least you had each other when I was discharged and sent home. That is, until Caleb came home and Wyatt stayed for 4 excruciating days. The thought of you, Wyatt, by yourself without your parents and your brother still brings tears to my eyes even today. We were so happy once everyone was finally reunited and adjusted to our new life as a family of four.
Wyatt, you were sent home with an apnea monitor since the doctors were afraid your little lungs might quit on you while you were sleeping. What they neglected to tell us was that your monitor might have a false alarm every now and then. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, while everyone was miraculously asleep it would go off with the same intensity as a fire alarm. I would rush to turn on the bedside lamp and your dad would run to gently rouse you to check if you were breathing. Based on responsibilites you can imagine who deals with stressful situation s better huh? We cursed that stupid monitor and celebrated the day you no longer needed it. It seems you were never fragile and vulnerable ever again.
Since that time, many months ago, we’ve watched you grow and learn and turn into a super active little boy. A spitting image of your dad, you exhibit the widest range of emotions. You’re grumpy in the morning or when waking from a nap but you squeal with delight when I play peek-a-boo or tickle your tummy. You’re so intelligent and will clap, wave and splash water on command. You can dunk a basketball, throw a baseball and crawl the 50 meter in… well… who knows but your hightlight reel is mighty impressive. Your newfound mobility allows you to fully explore the world around you and it’s incredible to watch you take it all in. I love your high energy, your fearless attitude and sporadic displays of affection toward your mama. I’m in awe by you, Wy-Guy!
And my sweet, sweet Caleb. You have been my sensitive, cuddly little guy since day one. When your brother long outgrew being rocked to sleep I could count on you to sit there with me every night. You’d stare up into my eyes while your blinks would get longer and longer. Eventually you would fall asleep and I would pretend not to notice. Just a few more minutes I told myself. I would make mental images of the moment, rocking your warm little bundle of a body, smelling your sweet baby lotion scent and memorizing each finger, each toe, each delicious baby roll. Even today, I can still count on you for a big hug and a smile that lights up your whole face. My sweet sensitive boy, you don’t like sudden loud noises and sometimes when Wyatt falls down it somehow makes you cry. I promise to do whatever I can to protect you from all those scary noises that seem to startle you so much.
The day we found out you had cerebral palsy was the worst day of my life. I cried so many tears at the thought of the difficult life you had ahead of you and the struggles you would have to face. It still doesn’t seem fair. On the bad days, I have had to lean on many people for support but the one person who can truly lift my spirits is you, Caleb. You! You and your big smile, your fluffy blonde hair, your infectious laugh, your silly faces and your ability to cuddle up with your mama. Your determination and strength makes us so proud every day and we consider ourselves so lucky that we wound up being your mommy and daddy. What a priviledge! Thank you Mr. C!
It’s hard to remember what life was like before you guys were a part of it. All I know is our lives are so much better now that you’re here and I look forward to celebrating many many more birthdays with you! I love you both so much it hurts.